Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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