I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
