I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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