Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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