just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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