STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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