ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
