i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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