I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
how drunk are you?
Several
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
