Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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