So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
