I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
