Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
