you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
