Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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