This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
