Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
