you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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