i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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