My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
