Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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