You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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