the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
