i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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