Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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