Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
