when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize