I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
