lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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