Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
