I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
