Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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