Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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