I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
