I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
