There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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