I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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