what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
