Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
