he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
