Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
