Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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