My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
