I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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