just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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