fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
