My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
