woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
