During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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