i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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