Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
