Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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