I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
