After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
