If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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