Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
