So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
