I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
