fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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