you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
