Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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