halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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