I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
