i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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