My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
