Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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