he was CRYING into my vagina
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
