I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
