I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
