thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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