I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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