I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I could make wine with my vomit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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